Rogue Shadow

With love comes great pain, some people say. I say it also comes with great fear. This constant fear that you might just lose what you treasure most. And you hang on so tight, you suffocate yourself. The only thing you can breathe is him. Then you fear you’d run out of his air for you to breathe. You fear loving him will be too painful. You fear his pain. Is it love if we are constantly in fear and in pain? And if it is, could you ever be happy? Or are you happy without even knowing it? I fear losing him. I fear he is merely a fragment of my imagination. I fear his faith in me is in vain. I fear my faith in love is in vain. "Have Faith in Me". It isn’t him that i doubt, it’s fate.

I woke up with a forbidden emotion

Tearing in solaced secret

I continue my desperate attempt of search

For my sanctuary,

For refuge,

For joy,

For love

Though these things are invisible to my eyes

I woke up this morning

Filled with pain from the stabbing of reality

And continue my path of extinction of evolution:

My life

I woke up with hunger for appreciation and justice

Craving for understanding, trust and recognition

Still, I starve, for my path does not go that way

I woke up this morning

Pleading to breathe

To inhale happiness and eternal bliss

But my path keeps choking me

Thus leaving me breathless

I woke up listening to screams of hate

Looking at the ugliness of the banks of my path

Walking on the razor sharp road of my existence

Confessions of an Insomniac.

My eyes feel tired, but I can’t sleep. I fear I’ll drift into a dream.

Where love is lost, and pain is found. Where silence is the only sound.

A dream where lies are sacred oath. Where love is one way, instead of both.

Where truth, when spoken, will be fatal. For peace to be, there must be battle.

A land where children have no joy. Where wounds and heartache are their only toys.

Where thoughts could kill, and ideas bring death.,

And everyday we must endure these tests.

I fear I may never awake, and live in a land that happiness forsake.

Where sorrow and greed rule the world. That’s much too much for a little girl.

If I’m asleep, then I’ll be blind, and I won’t see the stars tonight.

How will I wish, how will I pray, if the stars choose to hide away?

I must not sleep, I must not dream, no matter how tiring the day has been.

The sandman must not come tonight, for I will only sleep in fright.

I must stay up, to shield my heart, for I fear an angel may tear it apart.

I will not rest my tired mind, for I might leave my life behind.

I will not sing a lullaby, for my song will only sing goodbye.

I will not start counting sheep, for I fear my sleep will be too deep.

In these nightmares, we lose our way.

To finding love and peace and faith.

Sadness engulfs this dreadful slumber

And pain ignites into a deadly amber.

I cannot sleep if I close my eyes

For only tears will greet my sight.

Then just as I thought my dreams may haunt me,

I realized my dreams are all but fantasy.