Rest with Fishes
Kino was only supposed to be my sound+image assignment. I said I was gonna either sell him back to the shop, or set him free. Either way, he wasn’t supposed to be my problem.
The stupid fish was so hard to shoot. He’d stay still until the point of the picture being taken, then he’d wriggle about in his bowl. Most of the shots I got was of a golden blob.
Came the time to give him up though, Kino and I had developed this love hate relationship. Suddenly I realized I didn’t wanna give him up. Plus Ian didn’t help.
Ian: If you set him free, he’ll get eaten. If you sell him off, some 6 year old will buy him and he’ll have a 2 days maximum life expectancy.
So I kept the lil’ bugger. My cat Ong got jealous (ok, he gets jealous of any other male beings in my life) and threatened to jump on the table and upset Kino’s fishbowl (well, technically Afiq’s bowl he lent to me). Everytime Ong slept in my room, I had to hide Kino in the bathroom.
I guess he was thanking me for saving his life. But I swear Kino started talking to me. He’d make bubbles on the surface everytime he was hungry, or when I oversleep, he’d wake me up by splashing about in the bowl (generally coz that means otherwise he’d have a late breakfast). He didn’t mind anymore anytime I dipped my fingers in the bowl to pet him. In fact, he’d swim over to kiss my fingers.
Sometime last week though, I found Kino swimming on the side of his body. I got worried and changed the water and fed him. When I got home that evening, he was still alive and swimming in the normal position, but was very weak. And he developed these black markings on the top of his body and head.
Last night when I got home, I found Kino floating lifelessly in his bowl. I ran for my sister and cried in her arms. I didn’t know I actually loved that stupid fish. I called Ian to inform him. Then I sat in my room with Ines and we stared at the bowl, me teary eyed.
Me: What do I do with him now?
Ines: What do people usually do to dead goldfish?
Me: They flush it down the toilet.
Ines: Aiyoh. What did we do to our fishes dulu?
Me: Flushed it down the toilet.
Ines: Why don’t you ask your friends who have kept goldfishes, ask em what they do.
Me: They told me to flush it down the toilet. It’s supposed to be fish heaven.
Ines: Tak nak tanam?
Me: It’s midnight. Tak nak tanam now. But I don’t want him to float dead in his bowl till morning either. I guess fish belong with water, kan? They’re always swimming in their own shit anyway.
So Ines and I prepared to flush him down. Ian called just then, and joined the flushing.
Ines: You wanna say anything?
Me: You first.
Ines: Ok…um, he was a good fish, and he grew on me. Thanks for helping Kakak with her assignment, and for cheering her up whenever she was down.
Ian: I don’t know what to say, I never knew him.
Me: I’m really sorry, Kino. I wish I was a better caretaker. We’ve had a lovely four and a half months. At least you’re not sick anymore. I’ll miss you. Goodbye, Kino.
And with a very heavy heart, we flushed Kino down the ceramic path. Ong consoled me, patted me with his tail and snuggled up to my feet. Ian called to comfort me. I felt better, and began letting go.
I washed Kino’s bowl this morning, and I felt thankful that Ian talked me out of getting rid of him earlier. I shared a unique bond with Kino that I thought was impossible with a fish.
Thanks for the Memories, Kino. Rest in peace.
