Rogue Shadow

Oih. It’s been close to 4 months since my last post. Much has happened. Much to update. Brace yourselves!

There have been much highs and lows this past few months. Of course the main highlight of my life right now is my mother. In june, she was diagnosed with third stage breast cancer. She has since gone through a mastectomy and 3 chemotheraphy cylces. She has 3 more cycles to complete, and then radiotheraphy alongside a treatment using a drug called herseptin- her cancer is independent of her hormones, and thus themoxifan would not work for her. There’s also a higher chance of a recurrence. The drug costs RM 96 000. And since she is ordered to not work for at least 8 months, yours truly is now the main breadwinner of the family.

Since I’m in college, this whole bringing home the bacon thing is a lil tricky. And because I’m under scholarship, I’ve got requirements to fulfill- and fulfilled them I have! Yep, Lil Miss Diva here has once again obtained Academic Distinction with a GPA of 4.0 and a CGPA of 3.68. She received straight A’s, which puts her at the top of her school! Say what you want about the perils of pride, but I earned it, baby! The hours of making up for other people’s incompetence, the days when I had to deal with their prima donna attitude, and especially being away from my loved ones. IT WAS WORTH IT!

I guess someone is plagued with the green monster. I found my mug/flask (that I keep in the computer room I’m always working at, been there for months) in front of the girl’s toilet near a lil drain. Upon closer inspection, the mug seemed to have been thrown with great force, as there was an obvious dent in the mug’s base- made of steel. Now, if someone threw it out to clean the place, then it would be in the trash, not out at the end of the block. And no one else has access to the room other than the students of the department. Hey, what am I expected to do? I can’t help it if you’re stupid, or ugly, or think and act like a preschooler, or all of the above. I can’t help it if people compliment me about my looks now that I’ve put on some weight (2 kgs, baby! woohoo! I’ve got boobs!). You’ll just have to get the negativity out of your life and effing GROW UP. You’re in frikkin COLLEGE now.

After a long, gruelling semester, I was looking forward to a holiday. I thought I could work part time somewhere, get some money. But what Mom and I didn’t expect was the challenges she was about to face while undergoing chemo. Luckily, I DIDN’T get a job. I was able to not only spend time with Mom after practically half a year of being absent (my neighbour gave birth- the baby’s 5 months old now. I didn’t even know she was pregnant!), I was her full time caretaker. During 2nd week of any chemo cycle, that’s when her body is at it’s lowest state. After the first cycle, she once passed out and soiled her caftan. I was there, thank God, and helped her up, bathed her and all. And although Mom and I have a borderline strained relationship, I was glad I could take care of her. We grew closer. I even had sympathy pains.

And apparently it had affected me a lot more than I realized. On August 19th, I was admitted in the hospital for the first time in my life. I had infection in my intestines, leading to constipation (not very glamourous, kan?). But Mom was convinced it was also largely due to stress. I was worried about my Mom’s wellbeing once I strart college again. Being in hospital simply sucked. I was given 7 bottles of glucose in a drip up my hand. It felt like ice was going through my veins. I had to bring the stand with me everytime I had to go pee (which was often thanks to the glucose). When I was finally able to pass motion, I was so excited, like a lil kid who’s just learnt how to go potty. I tell you, we take for granted the little pleasures in life (yes, taking a dump is now a nikmat for me).

Right now, I’m rehearsing for my first graduating play- Kuo Pao Kun’s Lao Jiu. I do not, as of yet, find the play entertaining, but due to it’s physically demanding nature, I am now more fit and toned. After this 1 and a half month, I’d have a killer bikini bod, babeh! The performance is the week after the Raya weekend, so I only get 2 days off for Raya. Thankfully, I sorta outgrew the whole Raya joy thing. But this does mean I will drop dead in Ramadhan with all the crazy warm ups. Owwww….